crappy-ness

A couple nights ago at youth group I felt pretty bad about myself. Have you ever had a time where you knew that you should take care of things and clear things up with God, but you didn't? Yeah, that's me. Part of it is that it feels like I have a whole lot of stuff clouding up my brain right now. I'm verrry distracted- by wanting a boyfriend and the self pity and loneliness that comes along with that, by worrying about what other people think, by being really critical of everything and everybody... And the thing that I'm really struggling with right now is the way that others Christians talk. It feels like lacks so much emotion sometimes, and it fails to describe God in the way that He should be described. God is just so deep... and the way we speak of Him almost changes being a Christian and believing in Him into a formulaic list of rules and sayings. It can become very boring. Man... I don't know how else to describe it. Forgive me if it doesn't make sense.
So, anyway. I was at youth group sitting by myself being pretty quiet (my friends were off somewhere else) and I really felt like I needed somebody to talk to. So, lo and behold, over comes one of the nicest people I have ever met- she's one of the Kaleo students at our church. I don't know what compelled her to come over and talk to me, (come to think of it, it was probably the scowl I had on my face...yep. Reeeal pretty) but I'm so glad she did. I kind of poured my heart out to her... and she wrote me an email later on that was so amazing because she told me about a time where she went through the very same insecurities I'm going through right now. So now I feel better. And it doesn't hurt as much. But I guess God is not a snap-His-fingers-and-everything's-perfect kind of guy. That reminds me of a pin that some people used to wear... "Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet."